I tell myself a lot of things about why I struggle with writing right now.
- I don't know what to say in the face of all the awfulness in the world right now
- I don't have time
- I'm burnt out from writing at work all day
- I don't have any good ideas
Of course, all of this is bullshit, but it's still really frustrating anyway. I know, logically, that there are 0 reasons for me to not write right now. But emotionally, I just don't have it in me. And, honestly, it is and continues to be really, really hard to write in today's cultural and political climate. I want to say/do more, but I don't know what. I don't feel like I know enough or can formulate a good enough response to say something myself. I can't help but feel like writing anything that doesn't address the awfulness is irresponsible (of course, it's worth noting that I only put that on myself).
There is a lot of fear that masquerades as these other concerns. I worry I'm too old to try to be a writer (stupid). I worry I have nothing good to say (also stupid). I worry that I'm not good enough, or I don't have the right. I worry about more rejections because, no matter how many I've gotten and how much I tell myself that they are good because it means I'm trying, it still hurts.
I'm also in a weird place right now. For the first fall in 7 years, I'm not in school. I'm not in any writing classes. All my mentors and fellow writers and muses are doing other things. I feel alone in some ways. I have my wonderful writing group, and I have writer friends, but I feel very disconnected from the writing world anyway. I think I'm having to grapple with being a writer that doesn't live in the bubble of academia. It's hard, I'm not going to lie.
I wanted this blog to be a place where I wrote only useful things about writing, but I have nothing useful to say right now.
If you have similar woes, let me know. Maybe we can fix this together.